Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
