We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
