he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
