You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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