It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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