dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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