so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
