i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
