He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
