You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Randomize
