Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
