You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
