guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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