dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
