she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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