My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
