We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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