go do what you do best...puke behind churches
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
