dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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