That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
