Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
