Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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