Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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