Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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