Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
