you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
