i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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