for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i am craving dick and cupcakes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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