I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am mentally ready for anal.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
