i just sold back the books i vomitted on
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
