In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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