How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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