I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
