I just pynch a tree in the face
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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