If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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