And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
