Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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