weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
