Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
