soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
