Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
