so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
