i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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