I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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