I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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