What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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