Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I just put wine in my tea
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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