woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
