Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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