He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
