Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
