I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
