There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
