Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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