If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
