You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
