Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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